I've been feeling so empty and this feeling never seems to fade away. I don't know anymore. How am I supposed to feel? Do I have to get a wake up call from something tragic to happen in my life before I realize my purpose here?

I regret the mistakes I made. I regret the fibbing, the making up of tales. I regret, I led you on with no one taking the lead. I regret allowing myself to fall in love with someone I never ever meant to fall in love with. I regret finding you different, only to be proven otherwise. But really, most of all I am sorry that I hurt you despite knowing that you hated being lied to. It is totally understandable, the way you feel that is. It's just that I guess, in the process which I thought was harmless, I got hurt too. I am not saying, my hurt is bigger than yours. I am just saying that I'm sorry. I wish you were reading this, at the same time I wish you weren't. In other words, I just want to dig a hole and bury my head in it.

I despise the feeling that I allowed someone to define my happiness but I know that you'll make someone else out there happy. So please will You give me the strength to move on and move forward in life. Will You please help me see how many blessings I have in my life and not constantly lament of the downsides of it.

This constant reminder of you, is so draining. I look at Alfy bear and all I think of is you. Before I hit the sack, all I think of is you. There are so many things I wish to say here, but blogging is way to open for the entire world to see.

I feel a hurt I can not even begin to imagine. I feel like I'm bordering the line of sanity and insanity at times. I know You let me make the choices I made, I know they were stupid ones, but I can't seem to move on. I know its not Your duty to make me feel better, but with a little grace from you, help is all I can ask for.